A Friend Messaged Me Asking About My “Divorce.” This Is the First I Hear of It!

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column.Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

Two days ago, I received a text from a friend asking why I was divorcing my husband, “Henry.”I explained that our marriage is perfectly fine and asked where she heard it. I should have known: my mother-in-law, “Nelly.”

Nelly has never cared for me, and over Christmas, I told her off after she made fun of my sister’s pregnancy weight gain to her face. As it turns out, she has since begun spreading the word that my husband and I are splitting up as a measure of revenge. Henry is scared of her and refuses to confront her about it. Should I threaten legal action if she refuses to correct the record with friends and relatives?

—Malicious Mother-in-Law

Dear Malicious MIL,

Let’s leave the law out of this. Nelly sounds like a person who makes it very clear to everyone she encounters that she is mean, difficult, and probably the bad guy in any dispute she’s in. Just let her continue doing that.

She can spread the rumors she wants. People who are close to you will know they’re false, or will quickly find out, as your friend did. People who aren’t close to you don’t really matter. I’d be more concerned about making a plan to avoid being in her presence at future family events, and to explore with Henry whether being raised by her and currently living in fear of her have created issues for him that could cause problems in your life together. Something tells me he has at least a handful of therapy sessions’ worth of content. The rumor she’s spreading is bad, but her emotional legacy is the thing that could actually harm your marriage.

Classic Prudie

I’m a woman engaged to another woman, “Kate.” Kate is wonderful: thoughtful, generous, kind, and funny. I love her. The problem is that almost all my friends and family don’t think we should be together. I would normally take that as a huge red flag, except that the reasons people give aren’t anything to do with thinking Kate is a bad person. Their problem is that they say she isn’t smart enough for me.